320+ Best Comedy Jokes and Hilarious One Liners for 2026

Comedy jokes in urdu

• Pappu: “Doctor sahab, murgi ne mujhe kaat liya!” Doctor: “Kahan?” Pappu: “Nahi, murgi ne nahi, uske bache ne—Chik-ken (chicken) ne!”

• Pathan: “Yaara, ye ambulance ke upar ‘ECG’ kyun likha hota hai?” Dost: “Taki mareez ko pata chale ke Eh-Ch-Gayia (Ye chala gaya)!”

• Biwi: “Main mar gayi toh kya karoge?” Shohar: “Main bhi mar jaunga.” Biwi: “Kyun?” Shohar: “Itni khushi bardasht nahi hogi!”

• Student: “Teacher, maine kaam nahi kiya.” Teacher: “Kyun?” Student: “Kyunkay hamaray ghar Light nahi thi.” Teacher: “Toh mombatti (candle) jala lete?” Student: “Maachis (matches) bhi nahi thi.” Teacher: “Maachis kyun nahi thi?” Student: “Wahan puja (worship) ho rahi thi!”

• Customer: “Bhai, is shirt ka rate kya hai?” Shopkeeper: “5000.” Customer: “Itna mehnga? Saamne wali dukan pe toh 500 ki hai.” Shopkeeper: “Toh wahan se kyun nahi li?” Customer: “Wahan khatam ho gayi thi.” Shopkeeper: “Bhai, jab mere paas khatam hogi toh main 200 ki bechunga!”

• Larka: “Maine tumhare liye apni jaan de di hoti.” Larki: “Toh de dete?” Larka: “Nahi, ab tum itna Zid kar rahi ho toh main nahi dunga!”

• Santa: “Banta, tere baap ka naam kya hai?” Banta: “Self-Service.” Santa: “Ye kaisa naam hai?” Banta: “Kyunkay mere baap ka naam Dharmendra (Dharam-indra) hai!”

• Begum: “Suniye, hamari beti ka rishta aya hai, larka doctor hai.” Miyan: “Lekin larka toh andha hai!” Begum: “Toh kya hua? Doctor toh hai na!”

• Teacher: “Jannat kahan hai?” Pappu: “Teacher, jannat meri ammi ke pairon ke neeche hai.” Teacher: “Aur dozakh (hell)?” Pappu: “Wo meri Abbu ke pairon ke neeche hai jab ammi ghar nahi hoti!”

• Interviewer: “Aapko English aati hai?” Candidate: “Yes, bilkul.” Interviewer: “Sentence banaye: ‘Dog is barking’.” Candidate: “Kutta… bhonk raha hai… in English.”

Short comedy jokes

• My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

• I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

• Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

• What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

• I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

• What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

• My friend said he didn’t understand cloning. I told him, “That makes two of us.”

• Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

• I used to be a baker, but I didn’t make enough dough.

Seriously funny jokes

• A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt. He says, “A beer please, and one for the road!”

• I told my therapist that everyone hates me. He said, “Don’t be ridiculous—everyone hasn’t met you yet.”

• My wife and I have reached the difficult stage of our marriage. We can’t decide whether to buy a dog or a divorce, but the dog is cheaper to feed.

• Why did the middle-aged man cross the road? He thought he saw his youth on the other side.

• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

• Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

• My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.

• Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

• I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.

10 funniest jokes for adults

• Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.

• Why do adults love coffee? Because it’s the only thing that makes them feel percolated instead of agitated.

• My wife asked me to go to the store and get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen. I came home with 12 loaves of bread.

• I asked my dog what’s one minus one. He said nothing.

• A man shows up late for work. His boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8:30!” He replies, “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

• Why was the urologist so calm? He knew how to go with the flow.

• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

• My bank account is like a refrigerator: I keep opening it, but nothing new ever appears.

• Why did the man name his dog “Five Miles”? So he could tell everyone he walks five miles every day.

• I haven’t slept for ten days. Because that would be too long.

Top 5 best jokes ever

• The Peanuts: A guy walks into a bar and hears a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looks around but sees no one. A minute later, the voice says, “Great shirt!” He asks the bartender what’s going on. The bartender says, “Oh, those are the peanuts—they’re complimentary.”

• The Flat Tire: A man is washing his car with his son. The son looks up and says, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

• The French Shoes: What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Philippe Philoppe.

• The Cow Bells: Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

• The Interview: “What is your greatest weakness?” “I can be uncomfortably honest.” “I don’t think that’s a weakness.” “I don’t give a damn what you think.”

Funny jokes for adults

• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

• I told my wife she was a “gem.” Then I realized she was just pressure that hadn’t turned into a diamond yet.

• My career is like a Nintendo game: lots of ups and downs, and I’m just trying not to get Game Over.

• Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off.

• My wife told me she needed more space. So I locked her outside.

• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

• I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring.” So I bought her nothing.

• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

• What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

• How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

100 funny jokes to tell your friends

(Since you asked for 100 but the limit is 10 per heading, here are 10 “friendship-tier” gold ones!)

• What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

• What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

• Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.

• What do you call a pile of kittens? A mewn-tain.

• Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.

• What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

• Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.

• What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

• Why did the man get arrested for taking a nap? Because he was caught napping on the job!

10 funny jokes in English

• “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

• What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

• Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

• What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

• Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.

• What do you call a person with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

• Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

• Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.

• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Classic Comedy Jokes

1. I told my buddy I didn’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

2. My mirror and I had an argument. It reflected badly on both of us.

3. I tried writing a joke about paper, but it was tearable.

4. My math teacher told me I was average. How mean.

5. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

6. I once fell in love with a pencil. It had a great point.

7. My friend said he didn’t understand cloning. I told him, “That makes two of us.”

8. I bought a belt made of clocks. It was a waist of time.

9. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

10. My shoes broke up with me. They needed some space.

Workplace Comedy Jokes

1. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

2. I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

3. I told HR I needed a raise, and they told me I needed realism.

4. Meetings are like jokes—if you have to explain them, they’re not good.

5. My office plant is the most productive employee; it never complains.

6. Our photocopier quit. It said it couldn’t take the pressure.

7. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

8. My coworker says I have a split personality. Actually, we disagree on that.

9. I started a new job as a baker. I kneaded the dough.

10. My calendar is so booked it needs a personal assistant.

School Comedy Jokes

1. My homework and I have a mutual agreement: we avoid each other.

2. The teacher asked why I was late. I said, “Because it started before I got here.”

3. My pencil broke during an exam. It was pointless.

4. Our class was so bright, the teacher wore sunglasses.

5. I tried to do my math homework, but I couldn’t count on it.

6. The librarian told me to mind my manners. I said, “I’m booking it.”

7. I asked the science teacher if atoms joke around. She said, “They make up everything.”

8. The computer teacher told us to save our work. I saved it emotionally.

9. The art teacher told me to draw my feelings. I sketched a pillow.

10. Our school bell is the most inspiring teacher. It motivates everyone.

Food Comedy Jokes

1. I told my salad a joke. It cracked up; I guess it was a little tossed.

2. My eggs don’t tell jokes—they crack too easily.

3. I ate a clock for lunch. It was time-consuming.

4. The bread tried to get a job, but it didn’t make enough dough.

5. My milk tried to run away. It couldn’t find the whey.

6. The tomato blushed; it saw the salad dressing.

7. I dropped my steak. Now it’s a mis-steak.

8. My soup started singing, so I turned the heat down.

9. The avocado got promoted. Now it’s in upper management.

10. I tried cooking pasta without water—it wasn’t remotely al dente.

Tech Comedy Jokes

1. My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at hide-and-seek.

2. I told my Wi-Fi a joke. It didn’t get the connection.

3. My phone battery is like my motivation—low all the time.

4. I asked my laptop for help. It froze under pressure.

5. The cloud always forgets my files—typical airhead.

6. My keyboard and I are not on the same page.

7. I tried to download a joke, but it had too many bytes.

8. The robot quit its job; it couldn’t handle human resources.

9. My smart TV isn’t that smart—it keeps recommending the same show.

10. I argued with my printer. It couldn’t handle the toner of my voice.

Family Comedy Jokes

1. My dad said he wanted multiple incomes, so I told him to get multiple jobs.

2. My mom asked if I had plans. I said, “Yes, to avoid plans.”

3. My brother says he’s a genius. We’re still investigating.

4. Our dog thinks he’s part of the family. He’s right.

5. My cousins compete for everything—even who blinks the fastest.

6. My aunt says laughter runs in the family. So does sarcasm.

7. My grandpa keeps telling the same joke. It gets funnier watching him laugh.

8. We tried family yoga. We were stressed before we started.

9. My sister claims she’s mysterious. We claim she’s dramatic.

10. My uncle said he’s on a seafood diet—he sees food and eats it.

Travel Comedy Jokes

1. I told my suitcase I’d miss it. It said, “Don’t get carried away.”

2. My passport and I have trust issues.

3. I wanted to go somewhere cheap. I stayed home.

4. The airplane broke up with me—it needed space.

5. My GPS keeps getting lost. It needs direction.

6. I planned a quiet vacation; the kids ruined it.

7. I tried to pack light. My clothes protested.

8. The hotel pillows were so soft, I forgot my problems.

9. My map and I fought. It wouldn’t take me where I wanted.

10. My road trip playlist judged my singing.

Animal Comedy Jokes

1. My cat is so dramatic; she pauses before every meow.

2. The dog joined a choir. He’s pawsitively talented.

3. The squirrel started a business. Now it’s nuts.

4. The cow auditioned for a movie. It wanted to be a moo-vie star.

5. The fish told a joke. It tanked.

6. The turtle wrote a book; it took years.

7. The owl’s joke was a hoot.

8. The sheep started knitting. It made woolly good scarves.

9. The duck started a podcast. It’s all quack talk.

10. The horse told me a secret. I told him to neigh-ver tell anyone else.

Seasonal Comedy Jokes

1. Winter asked me to chill.

2. Spring tried to cheer me up. It blossomed into a success.

3. Summer bragged about its heat.

4. Autumn said it was falling apart.

5. The snowflake apologized—it melted under pressure.

6. The pumpkin said it was gourd-geous.

7. The sun overslept—again.

8. The rain tried stand-up but bombed.

9. The wind has too many fans.

10. The leaf left without notice.

Romantic Comedy Jokes

1. I told her she had a heart of gold. She said it sounded heavy.

2. My love story is like Wi-Fi—sometimes it connects, sometimes it doesn’t.

3. He brought flowers; they wilted out of embarrassment.

4. She asked for space. I gave her the whole galaxy.

5. He said he’d catch me if I fell. I tripped. He didn’t.

6. My crush is like a password—hard to guess.

7. Our first date was electric; we both shocked each other.

8. She told me I was cute. I said, “I know.”

9. My heart races. It needs a fitness tracker.

10. Love at first sight? More like love at first bite of dessert.

Money Comedy Jokes

1. My wallet is on a diet—very slim.

2. Money talks. Mine only says goodbye.

3. I saved a dollar today. It cried.

4. My piggy bank resigned.

5. I invested in a bakery. I kneaded profit.

6. My coins are offended—they feel undervalued.

7. My budget and I are not speaking.

8. I bought a boomerang. Big financial throw.

9. My savings account is fictional.

10. I tried trading stocks; they traded me back.

Fitness Comedy Jokes

1. My gym membership and I rarely meet.

2. I did a push-up. Now I need a break.

3. My treadmill ran away from me.

4. Lifting weights? I prefer lifting snacks.

5. My muscles filed a complaint.

6. I tried yoga; my body disagreed.

7. My water bottle fails to motivate me.

8. Cardio and I are incompatible.

9. I sprint only when food is involved.

10. My abs are hiding under layers of emergency snacks.

Cooking Comedy Jokes

1. I burned water once.

2. My kitchen is a danger zone.

3. My oven and I need counseling.

4. The recipe called for skill; I didn’t have any.

5. My spatula retired.

6. I tried to dice onions; they diced me back.

7. My soup is always confused—it never knows its purpose.

8. My apron quit.

9. I grilled so badly the smoke alarm unfriended me.

10. My pan is writing a memoir about trauma.

Home Comedy Jokes

1. My couch and I are in a committed relationship.

2. My broom sweeps problems under the rug.

3. The fridge light judges me.

4. My door squeaks secrets.

5. The microwave demands attention.

6. My lamp glows with pride.

7. My carpet hides crumbs like treasure.

8. The mirror mocks me.

9. My curtains eavesdrop.

10. My laundry multiplies like rabbits.

Coffee Comedy Jokes

1. My coffee is my personality now.

2. Decaf is a personal insult.

3. My mug needs therapy.

4. I told my latte a joke; it steamed.

5. I have a strong coffee bond—unbreakable.

6. The beans spilled my secrets.

7. My espresso shot back.

8. My cappuccino was too frothy for criticism.

9. The barista judged my order.

10. My iced coffee gave me chills.

Music Comedy Jokes

1. My playlist ghosted me.

2. The guitar started a string of problems.

3. My piano is too key-dramatic.

4. The drummer kept beating around the bush.

5. The singer hit notes that filed complaints.

6. My earphones cut me off.

7. The violin was too high-strung.

8. My speakers have commitment issues.

9. The tambourine shook things up.

10. My song lyrics need therapy.

Weather Comedy Jokes

1. The rain is too emotional.

2. Clouds are always hiding something.

3. Thunder needs anger management.

4. Lightning strikes impulsively.

5. Fog refuses to clear things up.

6. The sun brags too much.

7. Snowflakes are overly sensitive.

8. Wind blows everything out of proportion.

9. Hail has a hard exterior.

10. The forecast always lies.

Science Comedy Jokes

1. Atoms joke too much—they make everything up.

2. Gravity keeps dragging me down.

3. The magnet was too attractive.

4. My experiment needed a reaction.

5. The telescope saw too much.

6. My lab notes ghosted me.

7. The beaker spilled the truth.

8. My equation didn’t add up.

9. The scientist needed space.

10. My hypothesis quit halfway.

Mystery Comedy Jokes

1. My detective hat disappeared—mysteriously.

2. The clue quit; it didn’t want to be found.

3. My magnifying glass exaggerated everything.

4. The suspect refused to cooperate—it was shady.

5. My alibi laughed at me.

6. The case file vanished.

7. The mystery solved itself.

8. The plot twisted my ankle.

9. My notebook kept secrets.

10. The evidence was too dramatic.

Extra Silly Comedy Jokes

1. My shadow left me—it said I was too bright.

2. The floor tripped me on purpose.

3. My socks ran away in pairs.

4. The chair refused to support me.

5. My toothbrush accused me of bad breath.

6. My alarm clock woke up grumpy.

7. The wall kept getting in my way.

8. My pillow judged my dreams.

9. My notebook doodled without permission.

10. The door handled the situation poorly.